Remember 2008? The world was falling apart—banks were collapsing, jobs were vanishing, but guess what people still did? Watched movies and bought lipstick. Yeah, lipstick.
Turns out, when everything goes to hell, people like tiny comforts. Psychologists call it the lipstick effect. Can’t buy a Merc? Cool, buy a MAC lipstick. Can’t fly to Bali? Sure, go watch Om Shanti Om. Escapism, baby! It’s been humanity’s coping mechanism since the dawn of time.
Which brings us to Bollywood. For decades, it’s been our ultimate escape hatch. But suddenly, everyone’s acting like it’s dying. Twitter’s filled with "Bollywood is finished" hot takes. OTT platforms are eating into its audience, South Indian cinema is clapping back harder than Rajnikanth’s slo-mo stunts, and let’s not even get started on the flops (ahem, Adipurush).
But let me ask you something. Is Bollywood actually dying? Or is it just really, really bad at math?
Let’s unpack this mess.
The Lipstick Effect: Why Bollywood Is Still (Kind of) Unstoppable
First, let’s clear something up. Bollywood isn’t going anywhere. Know why? Because the Lindy Effect says so.
What’s that? Oh, just a fancy term for stuff that’s been around forever (like storytelling, books, music) and will keep existing forever. Humans crave stories—it’s coded in our DNA. That’s why Bollywood will survive—even if it has to fake its box office numbers.
But right now? It’s fumbling harder than your friend who can’t split the bill in a group chat.
Bollywood’s Broken Economics: Someone Get a Calculator
Let’s talk numbers. Bollywood’s money game is all kinds of messed up, and here’s Exhibit A:
Take Bade Miyan Chote Miyan. Disaster of the century. Critics trashed it, audiences ghosted it, producers cried into their cheques. But the leads? They still walked away with ₹140 crore. That’s 40% of the budget! FOR WHAT?
Here’s the Bollywood formula:
Actor asks for ₹100 crore.
Movie makes ₹3 crore on opening weekend.
Everyone acts shocked Pikachu face.
Bro, make it make sense.
Even Karan Johar couldn’t keep his cool. He straight-up roasted actors for demanding ₹35 crore openings but delivering ₹3.5 crore collections. The math isn’t mathing, and it’s ruining the game for everyone.
OTT: The Frenemy Bollywood Didn’t See Coming
Netflix and Prime swooped in like that rich kid at a college party, throwing money at everything. Bollywood producers? They were living. Movies like Laxmii and Shehzada—which would’ve flopped harder than your first attempt at Wordle—were sold to OTTs for insane amounts.
Producers started thinking: “Who needs theaters when OTT will cover half our budget?” Sounds genius, right? Except, no.
OTT didn’t save Bollywood. It just made it lazier. Now everyone thinks they can slap together a mediocre script, overpay actors, and let OTTs do damage control. Spoiler alert: audiences aren’t that dumb.
Fake Hype = Real Problems
Here’s where it gets shady. A lot of Bollywood’s "blockbusters" these days are running on corporate bookings.
Ever noticed a "sold-out" show where half the seats are empty? Yeah, that’s producers bulk-buying their own tickets to fake hype. They’re basically gaslighting us into thinking these movies are hits, so OTTs pay more for them later.
But you know what happens when you fake hype? You lose trust. And trust is like your Netflix password—once it’s gone, it’s over.
Writers? Who Cares About Them Anyway?
Let’s get to the core issue. Bollywood treats its writers like afterthoughts.
You can’t make a hit movie without a great story. (Unless you’re Race 3, in which case, God bless.) But the industry still pays writers peanuts while throwing crores at stars for posting cringe reels on Instagram.
Fun fact: most writers are stuck in trash contracts. No credit, late payments, zero respect. Meanwhile, a costume designer can earn ₹16 lakh for a day’s work. Priorities, right?
Okay, So How Do We Fix This?
Here’s how Bollywood can stop embarrassing itself:
Stop overpaying actors. You’re not funding their retirement plan. If they want ₹100 crore, tell them to invest in crypto or something.
Pay your writers. Seriously. No writers = no stories = no box office.
Chill with the fake hype. We’re not buying it (literally). Focus on quality, not inflated numbers.
Go back to the basics. Malayalam cinema is killing it with fresh ideas and smaller budgets. Bollywood? Take notes.
Bollywood isn’t dying; it’s just being dramatic (what else is new?). The industry’s seen worse—mafia connections, piracy, demonetization—and survived. Why? Because the one thing Bollywood knows how to do is adapt.
The real question is: Will it?
Guess we’ll find out. Until then, see you at the next lipstick effect.
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